~ Getting older ~


How old are you? Age is a state of mind

12 good reasons to be a senior

Old is ...

More great things about getting older

Games for seniors

You're not REALLY old until...











Age is a state of mind...

All people fall into four basic age groups, and you can determine in which age group you belong by asking just one question: "What's the first thing you think of when someone says, 'Happy Hour'?"

...if it's "Happy hour means time to go outside and play with my friends," then you're a kid.

...if it's "Happy hour means getting together with friends after work for a few drinks," then you're young.

...if it's "Happy hour means having time for a short nap in the afternoon," then you're middle aged.

...and if it's "Happy hour is when the laxative kicks in and my bowel movements are regular," then you're old.

12 good reasons to be a "senior"

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

3. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

4. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

5. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

6. Things you buy now won't wear out.

7. Finally, you can eat dinner at 4 PM.

8. You can have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

9. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

10. You can sing along with elevator music.

11. Your eyes won't get much worse.

12. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Old is...

Old is when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

Old is when you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

Old is when when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

Old is when "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

Old is when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

Old is when an "all nighter" means not getting up to pee!

Old is when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

Old is when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

Old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just so you don't have to go along.

More great things about getting older

Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

Eight games for seniors

1. Sag ... You're It

2. Hide and Go Pee

3. 20 Questions Shouted into Your Good Ear

4. Kick the Bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over

6. Musical Recliners

7. Simon Says Something Incoherent

8. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy

You're not REALLY old until...

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.